Reflexing on Father’s Day
Sometimes on Father’s Day I feel like a Jewish kid at Christmas time. I have a dad but he passed away; it’s been 8 years. This is my 9th Father’s Day without him. I never miss him any less. You never do. It feels like another lifetime ago. That’s what Chad always says about his mom. We both lost a parent around the same age (14-15) and both lost one to cancer. That’s always been something we share and it’s nice to know Chad understands. It helps on days like this.
It feels like a lifetime ago. I’ve learned to drive, gone to high school, got my first job, had my heartbroken, graduated from high school, gone to college, found the man I’m going to marry, adopted a cat, graduated from college and about to go to live and work in another country, and countless other things- all this since he’s been gone.
And there is so much more life to live without him, I’ll travel the world without him, walk down the aisle without him, start a family without him, and be an adult without him. I wish I didn’t have to, but these are the cards I’ve been dealt.
Something both Chad and I are dealing with is what would our relationships with our deceased parents be like now that we’ve become adults. I only had a relationship with my dad as a girl. I sometimes wonder what he would think of me as a woman. An independent woman, a liberal woman, an educated woman, a modern woman. Would we agree on the same things, what would we debate about and disagree on? What would he share with me now that I’m old enough to understand things? What would he still keep secret? Would we ever have a beer together? What would he still want to teach me?
I guess I’ll never know, and someday I might be okay with that.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is love your dad while you have him. While he’s around to know how much you love and care for him. And for those who don’t have their dad’s around anymore, that’s okay, you can make the best of this day in so many other ways. Here’s to you Daddy, I miss you and I love you.